OPEN POST: Vergil - Devil May Cry

[darkslayer]

Permanently open post for all your Vergil needs! Leave a prompt/opener/image/ooc comment with your ideas, or comment with your character and I'll post an opener instead.

Comes in DMC3, 1 or 5 flavours! Let me know if you have a preference with regards to canon point.

Comments

[wrathgrown]

If you're going to offer me a pity date, dear brother, that's very sweet, but the answer is no.

[oldrebellion]

that is so not where this is going
but if i was, it would be pizza and beer, and you wouldn't know what to do with yourself
that's my perfect date

[wrathgrown]

Always keeping it classy.

I prefer wine to beer by far.

[oldrebellion]

the classiest
color me shocked
but let me guess
red over white

[wrathgrown]

Naturally.

[red like the BLOOD OF INNOCENTS PUMPED THROUGH A GIANT TREE
which is delicious btw]

[oldrebellion]

( jesus fucking christ why are you like this.

sit down, vergil. )

it's just old as shit grape juice
it can't be that good

[wrathgrown]

You did ask for my preferences.

And you still haven't told me why, besides to scrutinise and pass judgement on every single one of them.

[oldrebellion]

i'm just saying i expected you to have good taste
not not middle-aged queen taste

( dante we sure hope you can still run in your old age because you might need to do it here in a minute. )

i'm doing you a huge favor
one you'll thank me for once i'm done
one more thing though
and this is the most important part
sexual orientation

( hyena laughter in the background intensifies. we are so sorry. )

[wrathgrown]

Excuse me?

[unfortunately for him, 'power' is not a sexuality]

[oldrebellion]

just answer the question
it's a pretty straightforward one

( and mayonnaise is not an instrument. )

[wrathgrown]

Your prying is starting to become annoying.
But if you must know, Nero's mother is the only one I have had relations with.

[does that make him straight? he has spent nowhere near enough time in in the human world for this discussion.]

[oldrebellion]

that explains way more than i wanted it to
but okay, almost finished
hold that thought

( is there a checkbox that says 'open to suggestions' in the sexuality category? because he would absolutely mark that one, if it existed. it should exist. )

[wrathgrown]

What are you almost finished with?

[oldrebellion]

( if someone had been more clever they would have created something to reference here in smalltext. but they are not, and they did not, so we're just going to say that your dear brother, vergil, has set you up with a tinder account and is now linking you to it.

or, you know, whatever equates that shit in this universe. )

you're welcome

[wrathgrown]

[Vergil, who has never seen or heard of tinder in his life, clicks on it. so innocent, so pure.

...

...]

What is this? When did you take this photo of me?

[oldrebellion]

( oh you sweet summer child. )

look
don't ask questions
just swipe right

( are you expecting any real answers? no? good.

because you're not getting them. )

[wrathgrown]

I'll swipe Yamato right through your innards if you don't tell me what this is all about.

[so he says, but he's going to poke around the app anyway. why is he seeing all these peoples' profiles now??? weird.

It's only when he swipes right for long enough and 'It's a match!' cheerfully pops up on the screen along with a chat box that he closes it and texts Dante again.]

THIS is how people find dates nowadays?

[oldrebellion]

could you BE any more dramatic?
just give it a look for yourself

( for the love of ... something holy, or something that was once holy, whatever. he's just going to wait until he sees some actual progress before he says anything else.

which ends up not being as long as he thought it might. )

easier than sitting by yourself in a bar trying to hit on anyone that gives you more than a passing look
while trying not to look pitiful sitting by yourself
get any matches yet? i thought i picked a pretty good profile pic

( the image in question. don't ask when he got that. he'll never tell.

but he also knows you have a preference for that sort of aesthetic. whatever it is. )

[wrathgrown]

It's not a bad photo.

Someone who is apparently a match tried to initiate conversation with me, so I closed the app.

[oldrebellion]

( can you hear the sound of his facepalm? because you really should be able to. )

vergil
you can't close the damn thing down when somebody tries to talk to you
how the hell are you gonna get dates like that

[wrathgrown]

I'm not trying to get dates. You're the one trying to push me into this.

[oldrebellion]

you're not even giving it a chance
your match though
hot?

( AND WE DON'T MEAN TEMPERATURE-WISE, VERGIL. DON'T GO THAT ROUTE. )

[wrathgrown]

If you're that desperate to find out, why don't you date them.

[Just do the hair flippy thing and scowl a lot and surely the person on tinder won't notice the difference.]

[oldrebellion]

( you are one hundred percent useless, you know that? )

i'm not desperate
just curious
come on, i went to all that trouble, you could at least say hi to them

( dante do we even need to tell you how much of a shot in the dark that is. )

[wrathgrown]

[A few minutes' delay, then--]

I said hello to them.