FOR LILI - the stupidest AA AU ever

[ephemerous]

[It's 23rd December, and this year, Christmas in Los Angeles has been blighted by terrible tragedy for many shoppers. A customer at Gatewater Mall, Elle Noelson, was found dead the day prior at the back of Santa's Grotto, the corpse hidden in a sack on Santa's Sleigh. Naturally, the murder was pinned on Santa himself, or his real name, Nick Saint, 48 years old and father of Christmas two.

What with most prosecutors having already signed off on leave for Christmas, Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth had requested a favour from Nahyuta, a travelling international prosecutor from the mystical Kingdom of Khura'in. He obliged.

Which is why he's standing in court on the prosecutor's bench today, determined to prosecute the defendant, Nick Saint, with all his might.

Or he would be, but when the judge asks if the prosecution is ready to begin the trial, he's simply standing there, deep in prayer. This could take a while.]

Comments

[ephemerous]

Satorha! [Nahyuta shouts, and claps his hands together as if he has heard enough.] I was willing to give you a chance to assert your position, but I see you are as putrid of mind as all other lawyers here. Your unenlightened, wilful ignorance leads you by the nose, and thus you charge ahead into a clumsy defence without even examining all of the evidence before you. Stop and take stock of the path you are on, before it leads your soul to one of ruin.

[With this sermon done, he looks over to the witness stand.]

Detective, please take the stand, and illuminate this sinner's misconceptions. We will start with the murder weapon.

[The detective, as with all of Nahyuta's cases, is his partner Ema Skye. She's slightly disgruntled to be brought in as part of his sermon to the defence, not being religious in the slightest, but she obliges in testifying. She brings a model replica of the murder weapon into court, demonstrating how the prints indicate it was held by the accused. A suspicious two-handed grip at the base, where it could easily be held and swung. The bloodstains were wiped away, but they still stain the end of the candy cane, and are consistent with the victim's blood.

Satisfied with that testimony, Nahyuta looks back at Lioriley.]

Well, defence? Feel free to cross-examine her testimony, but the evidence is already damning. [The rest of her objections to the prosecution's case, he'll pick apart in a short while.]

WTF AM I DOING CANDACE!!!!!

[prosey]

[ She may be human in this verse, but her hearing is still absolutely ridiculous. So the sudden shout has her flinching, nearly jerking back and away from the bench before she realizes that Nahyuta is the one yelling.

And he's also insulting her, which is... super rude?? And wholly unnecessary. She stares at him while he speaks, brows furrowing slightly and she looks like she wants to defend herself — but she decides it better to just ... not. There's more important things at hand than the monk's sermon and commentary about how horrible lawyers are. Rude.

She turns her attention to Ema, listening intently as she speaks. Things aren't sounding great for her defendant, but she doesn't seem entirely perturbed by the testimony; like she already knows something they don't. Or she's pokerfacing like a champ right now. ]

Based on the evidence, Ms. Noelson was struck from behind on the right side of her skull, correct? [ She hums, extending her hand and asking to see the murder weapon to accent the point she's about to make. ] How is it, then, that my client hit her in such a fashion. [ She's holding the candy cane like a bat, right hand atop the left. As she speaks, she switches sides, left over the right. ] If he is left handed?